I’m back again!
I wrote a couple of extra posts in the half-term, and this is one of them, so I’d thought I’d take advantage of the situation and do an extra post mid-week! Yay! I hope you all enjoyed reading my Q&A with Maggie, from Dreaming of Guatemala, it was such a fun post to make & highly requested so I hope it didn’t disappoint! 🎉 *thank you once again to Maggie! 😂*
Recently at school, things haven’t been so great with my friends *sighs*, so I decided to write down my thoughts in a letter entitled ‘To my Friends’ in order for me to get everything off of my chest. I thought I’d share it with you all incase you’re going through a similar rough patch to me, or incase you do in the future, as of course this is just life! 😌 I know I can be quite positive in my posts, so I also thought it is also useful for you all to see that I am human too, and I do feel the same way as everyone else. Thankfully, things seem a lot better, so I am hopeful that everything should be back to normal soon ☺️.
It is also important to remember that you don’t always have to be friends with the people you were friends with 4 years ago. We all grow & change as people, so sometimes you can fall out of love with your friendship group, and this is perfectly normal.
To My Friends,
I guess you’re almost oblivious to how much you are hurting me. You didn’t notice for days after you’d all started it; you were off to L’s place, leaving me to stay at home and think over what happened. Again and again. Sleepless night after night.
I felt alone without you all by my side. There was nothing: no texting, not even any conversation. You stopped talking when I entered a room and left when I was already in one. Why? Is it all in my head? I hope it’s not, otherwise I will have wasted a lot of precious time worrying.
Then there was the lies, as if we were in a teen drama series on Netflix – ironic, huh? Why couldn’t you own up to what you’ve done? Why didn’t you tell the truth? I’ve so many questions I will never know the answers too.
There’s so much I’ve learnt too. Don’t trust your judgements on matters like this, don’t assume you’ll keep anything secret, and that it’s so easy to just exist in your shadows without you noticing I’m there. Either that or I’m a really good actress…
I won’t be confiding in you in the future; I don’t know who I can trust. You shattered my world in the click of a finger, the blink of an eye – why should I feel fine?
We’ve been friends for different amounts of times, so I know who wasn’t their true self, and who I might have misjudged. I hope we can move on from here: it’ll be more difficult for some of you – what you did hit me deep down. I know you’re all good people, I want to believe that, I want a new normal. I want to be happy me again, I want to live and not just exist in your circle. I’ll find a way in if I have to: I am determined.
So that’s that. I really do hope that everything gets fixed as soon as possible, I believe in myself to make it work, and I’m hopeful that my friends will want it to achieve a new normal too. I still love my friends with all my heart, I guess I’m just a whole lot more weary & careful around them now. It’s hard to explain what happened, so I won’t dwell & waste your time, it was mainly the aftermath that was the problem – I was excluded and made to feel as if I’d done wrong. I didn’t say anything I shouldn’t have… they did, however. Things got twisted, and I’ve ended up feeling unjust, they got away with a lot, from an outsiders point of view apparently there was ‘no meanness involved’. URGH….. 😢😢😢!!!
Now I don’t mind missing out on their ‘fun’. I’d rather sit at home or chat to some other friends instead; once you’re excluded once I’ve found that after that, being left out doesn’t really matter or bother you anymore.
I hope you’re not left thinking ‘well that was a typical teenage ‘drama’, there’s more important things in life’. I know that there are a lot more important things going on, but recently this has been affecting me more, ok? I’ll apologise for the small rant though! 😉
So what do you think then? Got any advice for me? Been through a similar situation? If so,
Also, good luck to anyone braver than me that is doing NaNoWriMo! 🎉
Lots of love,